Good day today. Kept it right at my max of 800 cals. I do need to get my sorry ass to the gym though. I started weight training today with dumbbells and I hope my arms feel sore in the morning. I love that sore feeling after a workout. It means change is occurring. Hopefully I can get my new tennis racket tomorrow so I can go to the courts with my sister this week.

So to keep myself occupied I am doing a sort of daily diary topic thing (they do them on tumblr sometimes). I'll skip around but here is the question.

Stats/Height/What do you want?

I am 18 years old

5 feet 7 inches

I weigh 147 lbs :(

I want to weigh under 120. I simply want the evil bondage that is my scale to read 119.9 at some point before I begin college. I have to look at my 16 year old sister everyday who is 5'8" and weighs somewhere around 130. I am a little afraid to actually know how much she weighs. I want to be thinner because I am sadly shorter.

I personally do wish I were taller at times, maybe because I feel like it would detract/excuse my weight. But that's just my personal opinion. I always feel intimidated by girls who are taller than I, while I feel like I have a little more confidence when I am taller than someone.

All in all. I want to be 119.9 lbs by September 1, 2012. I will be. Just 28 lbs to go.

Did alright today I guess. I had about 1000 calls today. Once again, I was pretty busy with our latest home improvement project and I had no time to make it to the gym. At least it meant it took my mind off of food to a point.

I will make it to the gym tomorrow and I will also do a nike workout. I go this amazing app called Nike Trainer or something like that with full workouts and how to vids all built in. And me being the sucker I am for great aesthetics, I absolutely love the look of the app as well. Its so clean and easy to use. Must have to tone up.

I think in the past I didn't get the results I wanted out of working out because I was doing solely cardio. I needed toning to show through the skinny fat.

I will do even better tomorrow...

P.S. I started a little thinspo tumblr to help keep me motivated when I have nothing to do and the fridge calls my name. http://quia-amoris.tumblr.com/

A crazy thing. You do not realize how much you eat in a day until you actually track it all on a calorie counter. I personally use myfitnesspal (best website ever by the way). My only issue is that I don't use it rituously. I'll "cheat" myself into believing that I didn't actually eat something if I don't track it online. Out of site, out of mind, right? Well I finally decided to face up to the facts and see why I have been creeping up in weight from 146 to 148 and nearly 150 by the end of today. I tracked today, which I normally would have considered a good day: I felt like I hadn't eaten too much, I didn't make it to the gym, but I did spend the majority of the day standing and helping to paint/remodel my kitchen. I downed more that 1500 calories today. I cannot believe that. Here I am thinking I ate around 800, maybe 1000 and its actually 1500. WTF...

Well it just goes to show you that I am going to have to work extra hard. And I seem to have pinpointed where I go wrong. In the morning, if I start off with a huge breakfast ( and by huge I mean not restrictive at all, like a "normal bowl of cereal," then I go crazy for the rest of the day. No more. I will pre track my days the night before and I will follow them to a t. Too long have I been lying to my self that I am eating less than I actually am. I will not lie. I will have control and restrict so that I can finally be at 120. My sister is taller than me. I hate to admit that but its true. It means I have to weight less than her. And I will.

finally got my ass to the gym today. it felt so good, i even wore my new zaggora hot pants that are supposed to keep heat in and burn more calories/clear up cellulite. i am already feeling a little lighter. will update soon, I'm braindead from studying for my AP government exam tomorrow.. caio.

i needed to post some thinspo to keep myself busy since this friday night is quite more uneventful than normal. i've actually been pretty busy during the weekends. granted EVERYTHING and i mean everything i do with my friends revolves around food. i hate that. it's as if we can't think of anything to do besides go out to eat and then mess around until after midnight. it's a complete nightmare for me trying to keep calories to a minimum before prom. yes, i realize that i am using a very yoyo, flip floppy method to lose weight, but for what i need it for, its appropriate. 

also, my whole family has been on weird schedules so we have been eating on the go a lot as well. i just try and order a drink or a eat half of a kids meal, but its still hard. i am getting my mind mentally ready for a planned liquid fast on monday. since i am still doing my last AP tests of the year i physically cannot fast or limit my caloric intake in the morning of tuesday and thursday. i have an afternoon test on wednesday so i need to make sure i eat a protein/carb filled lunch/brunch. i just cannot wait to be done with high school, just two more weeks basically and i'm done. done with the people (for the most part).

i was a lazy bum today but for the most part i kept my caloric intake pretty low. now to go rewatch skins!! i seriously cannot get enough of that show. complete opposite of my life but that's exactly why i watch it.

i can't count the number of "back" posts i have posted in total on this blog, but i legitimately want to improve. i have been stuck at 146 for way too long and i need to change that. my prom is in 1.5 weeks. even if it means all i can manage is to lose 2 pounds, then that is what i will do. i don't care how i do it. i will look good for prom. that is my night. that is my night to be able to eat/do whatever i want.

this will be my year. 2012. is the year of me becoming 130.

damn, this is effy stonem from skins believe it or not.

I'm getting there, my stomach already seems flatter but I need some thinspo desperately. Its spring break now so I'll be in dire need of a 5lb loss... I plan on blogging a lot more, so keep reading!

via 5inandup

Quick update -

Great day today. Totally made up for yesterday! Back on track!!!

Forgot to check in yesterday, but I did get a chance to go to the gym! I didn't today sadly, because I am car-less. Tomorrow, no excuses.

I need to make sure I weigh myself tomorrow first thing after I wake up and go to the bathroom, I need a baseline. Also, even if I don't eat much all day, I need to eat most of my cals around 5pm-6pm because that gives me enough time to burn it off at the gym around 7:30pm and if I don't eat it in the morning, I don't even notice the difference in hunger level (I'm still the same degree of hungry!).

I can do this. Prom will be awesome. Spring break is in 2.5 weeks. I will make it to 142 by then. That's easy!! Weak even, 2lbs a week is nothing!

Dree Hemingway = major thinspo

Went to the gym today but I went overboard on girl scout cookies. Devils baked goods they are...

Anyways, lost 2 lbs this week, so I need to keep it up going to the gym everyday after school. Also I need to continue to keep cals under 800.

I just have to keep telling myself that I can do this. Because I can. I have s reason. I have myself.

Just some thinpo for the day, from NYFW...
I'll update later after I get back from the gym.

Came home to a nice surprise! Weighed in at 145.8!!! I know it's just water weight but my mom did say my legs are starting to look thinner! Progress :)

I'm going to head to the gym around 7:30 today. I hate to be blunt but I go at that time because all the fat people go at that time and all the reverse thinspo is good motivation for me...

UPDATE - went to the gym, could only run 2 miles, so i had to walk the rest :( my tummy was feeling funny... other than that, pretty good day today. i think i stayed under 500!!

that said, jane from seaofshoes is the greatest semi-real girl thinspo ever!

ok day today... i didn't get to go to the gym sadly. i should probably get on the stationary bike for a little while at the very least. it's times like these when i wish i had a treadmill in my house... i got a little discouraged because valentines day means cupcakes and chocolates galore... what a way to make single girls feel soooo much better...

i will start the ABC diet tomorrow. i need to get it in my head that i need to lose 20 lbs before prom starts. preferably for spring break so that i can look good then too!! great now i need to research some hunger staving tips...

found a great little tip website - http://www.skinnygossip.com/starving-tip-of-the-day/
a little dated but helpful nonetheless.

pretty good day!! under 1000 calories and i went to gym for an hour!! i can run 3 freakin miles now so i'm planning on running a 5k soon! every runner has to start somewhere!

ps - looking for new blogs to follow. i haven't been online in a while so a lot of the old ones i used to follow are out of date. comment if you want me to follow or if you have an suggestions!

NYC be good to me

just got back from new york and i am exhausted and ready to work harder... (ppl there are gorgeous)

right now: listening to boy with a coin on repeat, really contemplating why my weight is the same as it was 1 year ago. i struggle so hard just to keep from going up, it seems like god would finally reward me and bring it down a smidge. i guess i just have to try harder...

new york fashion week is some serious thinspo...