Good day today. Kept it right at my max of 800 cals. I do need to get my sorry ass to the gym though. I started weight training today with dumbbells and I hope my arms feel sore in the morning. I love that sore feeling after a workout. It means change is occurring. Hopefully I can get my new tennis racket tomorrow so I can go to the courts with my sister this week.

So to keep myself occupied I am doing a sort of daily diary topic thing (they do them on tumblr sometimes). I'll skip around but here is the question.

Stats/Height/What do you want?

I am 18 years old

5 feet 7 inches

I weigh 147 lbs :(

I want to weigh under 120. I simply want the evil bondage that is my scale to read 119.9 at some point before I begin college. I have to look at my 16 year old sister everyday who is 5'8" and weighs somewhere around 130. I am a little afraid to actually know how much she weighs. I want to be thinner because I am sadly shorter.

I personally do wish I were taller at times, maybe because I feel like it would detract/excuse my weight. But that's just my personal opinion. I always feel intimidated by girls who are taller than I, while I feel like I have a little more confidence when I am taller than someone.

All in all. I want to be 119.9 lbs by September 1, 2012. I will be. Just 28 lbs to go.

Did alright today I guess. I had about 1000 calls today. Once again, I was pretty busy with our latest home improvement project and I had no time to make it to the gym. At least it meant it took my mind off of food to a point.

I will make it to the gym tomorrow and I will also do a nike workout. I go this amazing app called Nike Trainer or something like that with full workouts and how to vids all built in. And me being the sucker I am for great aesthetics, I absolutely love the look of the app as well. Its so clean and easy to use. Must have to tone up.

I think in the past I didn't get the results I wanted out of working out because I was doing solely cardio. I needed toning to show through the skinny fat.

I will do even better tomorrow...

P.S. I started a little thinspo tumblr to help keep me motivated when I have nothing to do and the fridge calls my name. http://quia-amoris.tumblr.com/

A crazy thing. You do not realize how much you eat in a day until you actually track it all on a calorie counter. I personally use myfitnesspal (best website ever by the way). My only issue is that I don't use it rituously. I'll "cheat" myself into believing that I didn't actually eat something if I don't track it online. Out of site, out of mind, right? Well I finally decided to face up to the facts and see why I have been creeping up in weight from 146 to 148 and nearly 150 by the end of today. I tracked today, which I normally would have considered a good day: I felt like I hadn't eaten too much, I didn't make it to the gym, but I did spend the majority of the day standing and helping to paint/remodel my kitchen. I downed more that 1500 calories today. I cannot believe that. Here I am thinking I ate around 800, maybe 1000 and its actually 1500. WTF...

Well it just goes to show you that I am going to have to work extra hard. And I seem to have pinpointed where I go wrong. In the morning, if I start off with a huge breakfast ( and by huge I mean not restrictive at all, like a "normal bowl of cereal," then I go crazy for the rest of the day. No more. I will pre track my days the night before and I will follow them to a t. Too long have I been lying to my self that I am eating less than I actually am. I will not lie. I will have control and restrict so that I can finally be at 120. My sister is taller than me. I hate to admit that but its true. It means I have to weight less than her. And I will.

finally got my ass to the gym today. it felt so good, i even wore my new zaggora hot pants that are supposed to keep heat in and burn more calories/clear up cellulite. i am already feeling a little lighter. will update soon, I'm braindead from studying for my AP government exam tomorrow.. caio.

i needed to post some thinspo to keep myself busy since this friday night is quite more uneventful than normal. i've actually been pretty busy during the weekends. granted EVERYTHING and i mean everything i do with my friends revolves around food. i hate that. it's as if we can't think of anything to do besides go out to eat and then mess around until after midnight. it's a complete nightmare for me trying to keep calories to a minimum before prom. yes, i realize that i am using a very yoyo, flip floppy method to lose weight, but for what i need it for, its appropriate. 

also, my whole family has been on weird schedules so we have been eating on the go a lot as well. i just try and order a drink or a eat half of a kids meal, but its still hard. i am getting my mind mentally ready for a planned liquid fast on monday. since i am still doing my last AP tests of the year i physically cannot fast or limit my caloric intake in the morning of tuesday and thursday. i have an afternoon test on wednesday so i need to make sure i eat a protein/carb filled lunch/brunch. i just cannot wait to be done with high school, just two more weeks basically and i'm done. done with the people (for the most part).