all i have to say

wow 27 followers is A LOT. i really appreciate the support. i'm still stuck and i feel as if i am letting all of you down by not having any results. and believe me, i am letting my own self down. also what is odd is that if i only eat when i am hungry and never become full during the course of the day, i can usually shave of .2 or .4 of a pound by the next morning. weird huh?

got back from yearbook camp, surrounded by crazies and also skinny people. ahhh. well, i walked with a few chunkies and they made me look a little better, but then i feel snobby and bitchy so ugh...

not much to say, i'm really dreading school starting i hate school, putting on this fake smile and you know. the usual. not to mention i am surrounded by crazy people and smart people and i would never measure up. only if i am thin, will i truly succeed.

AHHHH! i feel as if i owe everyone a super long post too because i have been gone so long! but hey i'll be posting just not everyday.

PIC: lookbook once again, legs :)

all that work for nothing.

sigh* i worked so hard not to binge or eat too much these last two days. friday was tough because we ate out twice. italian place and then salad place. only had a salad and about 1/2 cup of soup then later i had a chicken salad sandwich but i had to sneak and c&s into a napkin so my stupid stepgrandmother would think that i was eating more than i was.

uggg i even saw a hard core ana at the pool we went to. oh... she was sooo thin. my fatass stepgrandma even said oh look she's anorexic. and made a face. ha well i wonder what she would think if she found out that i was ednos!

i worked so hard. i did have to feel full a few times yuck. now i just woke up and weighed in at 152.8 gosh darn. i do think that it is just water weight but no chances. today i will do a partial fast because i am getting so much better at resisting the temptation of food. i will be under 150 by the time camp rolls around next week.

Oh and i found out how much my sister claims to weigh. she is 5'6 and 110 lbs. or so she says. no she's not. her ass is huge and she is pretty big-boned. i really don't believe her. and i have experience with height weight ratios. she is flat out lying. grrrr...

PIX: lookbook once again. makes me want a space between my legs.

???

okay so i woke up did the usual... then i weighed myself. 150.8??? well i think you were right pokerface!! the scale said 153 after all the water i drank, so i know it was only water weight but now i am 150.8 :) and yeah i am totally gonna be 141.4 by august. at the very least.

i was thinking on binging today, but no i will not. i must stay strong. i am going to go to my evil step grandmother's house today and spend the weekend uggg... and not ugg because i hate her - ugg because this means we will be eating out basically every meal except maybe breakfast and lunch. and she keeps the best food in her pantry too.

at least we will be running around town alot and i think i might be able to go shopping. i really wanna buy a pair of size 4 jeans so that i can rejoice when they finally fit me! that should get me revved up to not eat!

thanks for the support - i won't be able to post though... at all this weekend until maybe sunday morning :) oh and to thinforever - i think my intake was about 500 and i was lazy and didn't exercise... damn. well. good luck guys, have a thinfriday.

still the same

ugg all that fasting and still nothing. i am still following my abc diet and also thinforever has added me to their weight loss comp!! so 10 pounds before august 25, that's pretty doable. no binging! so i am back on restricting today. i just had 1/4 of a banana and 39 cals of grapes (each is 3 cals) and now i am drinking come water. you know, yesterday i didn't feel hungry at all and i think its because i drank so much water!

ugg i really can't stress to myself that i need to be under 150. i have been that same weight or around it for almost 3/4 of a year now. i hate that. it means high school so far has been fat. well not anymore. and since doing that fast. i have found that i like to binge at night. during the day i had control and at night i almost lost it. i did have to chew and spit some crap last night though, so i guess it wasn't a total fast. but that said, i think i did well!

-this is the beginning of my REAL weight loss. no binge days. i can't have cake or cookies. and today is 500 calorie day. i think i will try and eat less though. i need to be 130 and thats my normal people goal. i really want to be 110 or 120!! ahhh ok thanx gals. i am going to go stare at thinspo and get into my brain that i am a fat ass... good luck honeys!

RULE: no food until my mom gets home from work. thats at like 7. yeah. i like that. it keeps me actually wanting my mom to come home haha!

fast update

hey, here's a quick update!

it's the middle of the day and i haven't eaten anything!! not even "cheating" nibbles and i haven't c&s'ed! yes! usually by now i have given in and nibble or c&s'ed but nope! i am so proud so far but i can't celebrate. I feel like i might give in but then i just think of fat. i can do this. i might even be able to pull this off for day two, maybe even three!! i just gotta keep my mind off of food and stay busy :)