calorie count

i have been using calorie count for a while now. it helps alot. it makes me really think about what i wanna have to log in the next day...

i want to be skinny and i am still blubbering at almost 150 for the past 8 months... :(
i hate my body b/c it is sooo fat and ugly and nobody wants a fat girlfriend.

i will starve tomorrow i already have a plan on what to eat...

sick of eating

i ate so many grapes today its crazy.
i can't believe myself.
but i am still fat. i haven't lost anything since that last two weeks where i fasted. i love fasting and yet i hate it at the same time. i love being hungry but i love to taste food too. my life is the biggest paradox in the universe it seems at times. i just want to be as skinny as my sis (we'll call her T from now on) by the end of school. how about my new goal be 130lbs by finals week. that is doable. and it is still fat but at least i wont be 150lbs...

back to flab

Well I had been trying very hard to starve and all but now I am back to being fat. I would write more, but I have an essay to write so I don't really have anything else I feel needs to be mentioned.

I am sick of being the same weight everyday and being fat so I have been drinking water and I hope it will curb my appetite. GOOD LUCK NEXT WEEK me.

I will be 125lbs by the end of finals. I lose 5 lbs in a week, so why not lose 30 in a month? For a wannarexic that's not half bad.

after starving myself.

well i just woke up, and i am about to go to school again today. the only reason i have really been trying hard to make myself presentable for the past week is because of him. i adore him. he's lovely and smart and funny. and he's a sophomore.

i have lost about 8lbs b/c my weight skyrocketed after last week for reasons unknown. i think i am getting to a point where i just don't want to eat. i love being hungry. and i calculated all my calories for the last few days, and together they are like less than 2000. i am sooo happy. even my jeans feel just a tiny bit looser than before. my old tight size 8's are now perfectly fitting size 8's. and if that can happen with this little amount of effort (because i am still eating, just not a lot) then i can't wait to be a size 4, or even a 2 in american eagle jeans. i want to be as skinny as my sister. NO. i am going to be skinnier than my size 4 sister. if i ever need thinspiration, i just look at her and think what a fat pig i am.

fasting day 1

i like someone. and they will never, i repeat-NEVER, like me back unless I lose at least 20 lbs. I will be skinny so I am going to fast for about three days. I keep reminding myself that there are starving children in africa, so when I c&s, I am being the most selfish person in the whole entire world. i have become accustomed to this feeling of hunger and i almost enjoy it. it feels sooo much better than being so full that you just can't move. i also keep reminding myself of him and how ripped he is and how i am not and how i will work out for a bare minimum of 30 mins a day. I will have abs. not man-abs, female-firmness. i decided to set an actual goal date of april 30th, a thursday, to be the date that I WILL WEIGH 130LBS at least that much, I wil lose 30lbs. I don't care what people say about starving yourself will just make you lose water weight, if that were true then how come anorexic people are so skinny huh?

i also have to come up with a safe fasting plan. I mean, the hardest part is breaking the fast, right? i will not get sidetracked, i will just drink diet sodas and water, so it will be a water fast today. i think that because it is the weekend I should be able to break the fast on tuesday night, and only with a cut up apple, and water so that I am full of water and won't overeat.

this is the way it's going to be honey, this is the way it's going to be for a long time...