getting closer..

well i lost a pound, and i hadn't weighed since yesterday. and yesterday i weighed when i was full of water and a little food. i know i am doing okay when even at that time, i weigh less than i used to! but i can't get cocky. i know that once i get under 148, my mind will think oh haha now she can have food. but i won't let that happen. and i don't want any of you guys to let that happen to you either. yes, you know what i am talking about. its like last meal syndrome. you starve starve starve and then in about 3 binge/bad days we gain it all back. but this time i feel a sense of control (perhaps the crystal light makes water fun??). i don't know but whatever it is i'm loving it.

i think i wil try a partial fast today. so i won't eat anything until after 5pm. i hope i can at least manage that. it will help because i always seem to be in the mood for practicing lax nowadays and the only thing i can even think of comsuming afterwards is water/crystal light.

well good luck honeys :) i know we can do this and i need support. bye - i need to go comment on everyone's blogs now!!! and i think that all this restriction will count towards my ABC diet!! so i'll start on that!

PIC: lookbook - skinny even when she's sitting in that position, what a dream...

yay yay i'm doing okay!

well that's me! i didn't eat anything but bread and diet soda yesterday and a few handfuls of cheerios. i know i said that i must not eat anything but for me that is soooo difficult. i love feeling water full though. and that's exactly what i felt like all day! it totally makes up for the mexican food i ate for my aunts b-day on friday.

and today is going well too! i ate a piece of hershey bar (you know how its split into peices i had about 3 of those... horrible but its not that bad i could have eaten the whole bar!!) and i c&s some bread. my mom got about three packs of crystal light too so i should be set for the next week of staying at home alone and staring at the kitchen all day. i've also been pretty active too: practicing lacrosse with my skinny sister whenever i can. it makes me feel better that i can play it and she completely sucks at it (but she's skinny so that definitely makes up for it).

sorry i haven't been commenting on any of your blogs! but don't get me wrong i am reading them like clockwork everyday. all of your triumphs have really been a big help to me and my weight loss. and i promise to post some thinspo tomorrow. nothing was jumping out at me today :)

lose lose lose it all honeys!!

i am fat. i must not eat.

i am fat. i must not eat. i am fat. i must not eat. i am fat. i must not eat. i am fat. i must not eat. i am fat. i must not eat. i am fat. i must not eat. i am fat. i must not eat. i am fat. i must not eat. i am faaatttttt. i willllll nottt eat!!!
i typed that. no copy and paste. i know i didn't type much but today i am in a new mindset after slipping into an old pair of jeans i had. hmmm did i just say slipping? aheemm.. what i really meant was struggling. pushing. pulling. and then i looked in the mirror. big fat love handles. and THEN, my sister walks in to straighten her hair. oh my god. i thought she wasn't that skinny, but... in her skinny jeans she has model thin legs. it put me in such a bad mood. and now i am comepletely determined to be thin. i guess it never really occured to me that i was that fat until i put on some tighter fitting clothes (it's summer so i have just been wearing athletic shorts and big tees). i am huge!

i think that's all that i have to say. although it seems like if i wake up and blog in the morning it seems so set me up for a whole day. i really love all of your comments and thank you sooo much for your help. i look forward to reading what you have posted this lovely morning during which i feel exceptionally piggish :( ugh. i'm sorry also if all of my post have been sounding like complete failures but i know this will be one of the last few.tomorrows post i will have fasted for one day!! second fasting a full day in my whole life!! wooohooo!

PICs: fashiontoast.com - these girls are so lucky to have legs that thin. and look at what tori spelling is eating! i mean seriously?! but she's thin. unlike moi... but i will!

drink kroger crystal light.

yeah that title is like a reminder to go and ride my bike to kroger today. i need some more of that crystal light powder. and what's great is that the kroger brand has ZERO cals while the regular and more expensive crystal light has FIVE! and in the quantity that i eat it in, that adds up!

so i'm trying to drink a ton of water today. you know like challenge myself to drink it and then see if i neeeedd food. take that! i already c&s some cereal and chips so today can't be a fast day (which i've only managed about once in my entire life!) what the freak?

well i really don't have that much to say. i guess i'll update you with yesterday. i ate only fruit. only. which is ok i guess. considering two apples and a bunch or strawberries and grapes. i also can't keep myseld from c&sing cereal in the morning too... i practiced lax for a while too, burned at least 100 i'd say.

hope your weight loss pirsuit is going better than mine...

PIC: love leighton meester, sooo pretty and THIIIN....

food: use sparingly

sparingly is exactly how i intend to eat. i am so afraid to be fat. i think it really doesn't help that my own mother is overweight. it just scares me even more. but today is different. i am not going to eat anything and i need to learn to embrace hunger. i'm so sick of looking at the scale (in the morning too!) and not seeing my fat ass lose any weight.

I had a glass of water today and a spoonful of jelly (i have no idea what i was thinking??). i mean about two weeks ago i wasn't afraid to give up food. it's like my drug of choice. some people smoke some so pot, you know. but what many don't understand is that eating is addicting. it kills dreams of thin. i hate food so much except for the fact that i am attached to it. i even went back to C&S binging the other day... ugg that is sooo disgusting! i am so quitting on food. i hate it, it hates my thighs and my scale.i need to be afraid of it. i'm through wiht food.