lets have a party.

well.... im really starting to understand the full of this disease and its entirety. i love it. but at the same time i despise it. its like my relationship with food. i love the taste of butter and chocolate on the tip of my tongue and yet it is enmity that i cant even stand to eat it and i can never enjoy it.

i went to one of my best girlfriend's parties today. it was terrible having to be pressured to eat. now i know exactly what all of you girls mean when you say that other people can ruin your streak. so i actually had to eat half a burger. and even with eating a half of one and a bag of chips they still were like... wow, your so anorexic. i mean seriously! ITS LIKE ANYONE WHO DOESN'T EAT IS AUTOMATICALLY DUBBED... anorexic. it really hurt because at this point in time its true.

so not only that but at her party i find out that my ex forwarded my post breakup txt meant for him to every girl (maybe even guy) in his effing address book. I even told him in it that we could get back together if he proved himself. wont ever happen.

then later after lunch, everyone decided it would be a great idea to talk a walk in their bikinis. i swear. THEY ARE ALL SO FAT, why would they. not only that but it is extremely immodest when half the world is staring at your fat ass in a bathing suit in your neighborhood. so i wore a shirt at the least and we took this slut walk together.

*sigh... i'll just call this a sad post. i mean i'm really disappointed in myself and my friends and my ex. well... tomorrow is another day.

P.S. thank you CAT for finding my blog and yeah... i am beginning to understand now. it isn't some glam skinny bitch's life, its hell.

PIC: the epitome of thin...