finally

i have finally decided to get back on the wagon of thinness. i hate being fat. period. i know i haven't posted anything or been on in about 6 months now (school work is KILLING me) but i want to change. i got that weird spazzy thought in my head today. you know: where you are just like, "no, i'm not going to eat, it feels weird."

i have been pretty much being a pig for my long month vacation from my quest for perfection. but thankfully (THANKFULLY!!!) i haven't gained anything (til now because of the stupid holidays). but for the most part i have remained the same, considering i've been a total pig.

but i'm ready to start anew. i hate my fatness and i envy those who are thin. i'm ready to turn myself around. a new me.

p.s. i have a goal date!! yay! i think that was what i was missing before when i attempted to lose. i am going on a cruise during spring break (march 15-20ish?) around then. i WILL be 130 or less by then. it's a long way to go but i'm sitting here feeling the fat all around me and its disgusting. everyone says i'm not fat. my parents think i'm crazy that i think i'm fat. but i am. i will be thin - finally.